Somewhere in his body--perhaps in the marrow of his bones--he would continue to feel her absence." -Haruki Murakami

my bones ache, and the marrow it aches too, and my heart aches in a way I didn't know hearts could ache, but at some point i stopped being able to tell the difference between all the aches-the body aches, turned in to heart ache, and vice-versa. i'm "in it," [i heard them say that in a movie once, and it made a lot of sense to me at the time, but i don't think you can ever understand until you're "in it" too.] i was "in it" before i even knew I was "in it." It sneaks up on you like that, and now i'm neck deep in the pain. my pain, your pain, your brother's pain, and his wife's pain too, the pain of the human condition-I feel that too. i never thought this is what they meant. I never thought this is where it would lead me. but i'm here. i'm here, and i'll do the work, and i'll be "in it" until i'm not "in it" anymore. and then it'll be over. and i'll be free. i have faith in that - in my freedom.