'Better Every Day'

I just saw pictures of a friend of mine back in treatment. I just don't understand why she keeps choosing her disease over LIFE? She is one of the most intelligent, funny, and compassionate people I have ever met, but what she does to her body is so ugly to me now. I'm praying for God to surround her in Light and Love, to help her realize how perfect she is, to choose Life over death. That is ultimately the decision one has to make when battling such a deadlly disease.

I remember when I made that choice. I remember how hard it was, to just 'let go' of the one thing that felt like my best friend. That was nearly 2 years ago. It has been 8 months since I've purged. I am so proud to say that. I remember when I we use to celebrate a decrease in the amount of times I would throw up in a day, then we'd move on to days inbetween purges, then weeks. I remember having to have my boyfriend come over and sit with me while I ate a meal, when my family would have to coach me through dinners, when my step mom use to have to plan and serve all my meals, meal planning, counting calories, measuring everything with total accuracy - it was always SO hard, so much work, such a dramatic struggle, but now it's been MONTHS! 8 months, almost a whole year! It brings tears to my eyes, tears of joy and pride because I WON! I can't even recollect that last time I thought about throwing up my food or had the urge to.... and I use to struggle making it through a day. After nearly 8 years of hating myself, I have embraced the divine perfection that has always been 'Me.' I SURVIVED! I BEAT THE STATISTIC! I CHOSE LIFE!

I use to be embarrassed of the demon I was living with, but it is part of my past, it no longer defines who I am now. I WAS an anorexic & bulimic since I was in 7th grade, but that is 8 years ago, today I am Alicia Rose VanOverbeke: a daughter, a sister, a part of one crazy dysfunctionally brilliant family, a friend, and a student who will one day put a positive stamp on this World. I am so proud of the battle I won, and the woman I have now become. I hope one day I can inspire others to choose life, it may be the more resistant path but it is the only one that guarantees a future, happiness and freedom!

Thank you Dr. Maureen Gardner and everyone at the RCC who was fighting with me and for me, Dr. Bethany Helfman, Mom, Dad, Lisa, & the whole family, Samantha Meux, Brittany Guttenburg, Alex Wojcik and all my other friends who showed me so much love and compassion and stuck with me when they didn't have to, everyone at MASC Leadership Camp [especially Kadi Judd and Kris Edler who told me I was "Dark yet lovely"], and to everyone else who has inspired and supported me to keep fighting, to get 'Better Every Day.' You all saved my life, and I am forever grateful.

The Giving Tree

It's you in my head, it's you in my heart.

Waiting on something good

"You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise."
~Maya Angelou

Who's stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.

"Neely, you know it's bad to take liquor with those pills."
"They work faster."

Oh Spanish Moon, Fall & Rise.

JUST IN CASE...
for the sake of being cautious
[but when have I ever been 'cautious']
Well, just in case
we,
it,
this is another tragedy
never again our bodies at the same coordinates
- at that same time-
[like the one time we woke up with sand on our feet
and ocean in our hair, and our limbs tangled together]
Well just in case we never build a sand castle together again
and my name is never on the same page
of this book called 'Life"
as your name...

I want you to know.
So listen obtusely
I'll always carry a piece of 'you-ness' with me
A reminder of the adventure life can be,
if we just 'let it be.'

A reminder that my chest cavity isn't as empty as I'd like to think it is...
there's a heart inside there
a heart that remembered to skip a beat when it was
your hand
in mine.

So just incase our life lines never cross
or mine ends too soon,
thank you
for all the memos
reminding me why I love life
and short kisses on my cheek
and neck
and...
and....
and even the ones that broke down the walls
[that i've spent YEARS building]

It may come as a surprise
Only love is real.
Fear is an absence of love.
There for fear is an illusion,
a lie the ego tells our 'selves'
But in the name of LOVE:
This vulnerability feels safest
Stronger than the fortress I was building inside my chest.

The thrill of the chase

Manhattan is where she grew.