When it rains on this side of town, it touches everything

I could bitch & whine about all the bullshit that has been going wrong lately (cause it's been alot! ha ha) I could lay on the floor in a ball, cry & feel sorry for myself. I could throw a pitty party, cause we all know I love a party. I could beg for someone to come hold me and "make it all better" and fill that empty void & pretend they actually care about me for a second. BUT for once in my life I am the one who is holding myself together. I am PROUD of myself... there aren't too many times I have been able to say that. The world is falling apart around me, but it's not taking me down with it. I'm making myself happy and I know what I want - FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!

I'm on the right path & nothing is stopping me.
This is my life and I am basking in its greatness.
It's all about the mindset folks.
Take care of yourself, find yourself, reinvent yourself, pleasure yourself, know what you want & do the damn thing!



BTW - I have the most amazing friends ever. I don't think life would be so damn good without them. Sam, Ally, Britt, Jaimie - thank you guys for always being there to lift my spirits!

He said he heard voices

I'm such a baby! lol
Crying over White Oleander.

I guess it's nice to be alone.
I'm stronger than I think.
This last month has certainly dished out it's fair share,
but I'm going to get through it.
With or without anyone.

I'm drawing a map of the country I will never revisit.
I know they will love me.
Beautiful.
Dangerous.
Proud.

I WANNA FEEL EVERYTHING, WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS WRONG WITH ME

I have never felt so incredibely overwhelmed and neck deep sinking in my emotions.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on anything besides pointless tasks like filling out myspace surveys & google searching different random topics that drift in and out of my head. I distract myself with all these pointless tasks to avoid having to feel the aching rise and swell of jealousy, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, guilt, anger, hurt, pain, painanxiousanxiousfuckthis!!!!!

I'm so sick of games.
I'm so sick of liars.
I'm so sick of guys thinking they can take me for granted.
I just want to be loved, respected, trusted, befriended.

I miss having that best friend to hold me everyday, that even though he was the one making me cry, he was the only one who could make everything in the world better.
I want to be okay having independence. I want to be able to stand on my own & know I can make it on my own, but I already see myself falling apart. I am so scared I'm going to let these emotions swallow me whole.

WISHFUL THINKING:
Hold my hand, tell me I'm beautiful (even though I'm not... in your eyes I will be), kiss me on the forehead, lay with me until I fall asleep, make me laugh when I've just had "the worst day ever," dance like no one is watching with me, let me play with your hair when your head is in my lap, let me drive us everywhere because I'm a "control freak" but pick out the songs you know I love on my iPod so we can sing along the whole way, believe in my dreams - more than I do, tuck me in before you go, text me throughout the day just to see how I am doing, tickle my arms in that nice relaxing way I like, give me kisses on the neck, play with my little brother like he was your own, and remember you're my best friend


NYC Sunday - Wednesday with my Brittany. :-)
I need it!

Frusteration

My shallow breathes take in
the scent left on my sheets

Crawl back into bed
I'll remind you where you belong