HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU FINALLY FEEL ALIVE

I have a "bad habit" of never deleting any of my Messages on MySpace, and I have 280 some pages dating back to about a year and a half ago. I started going back and reading a lot of the old ones and realized how much I miss how outgoing I was. I was so full of "life," and untouchable! I want to be untouchable again. I want the world to want to be my friend as much as I want to embrace it. I feel like there is so much give on my part lately and not much received in return. I'm not all about the "tit-for-tat" crap, but sometimes I like to be told, "You're cute," or flirted with. I also have lost the drive and concentration I use to have. I still want all those fabulous things out of life, but I get stuck in the mindset that "I don't deserve it." It's really remarkable how things can change so dramatically, and you never realize everything is changing because it's such a slow process. Then one day you look back on who you WERE and it's nothing like who you ARE. I'm not sure if I like who I am now... compared to who I was... I should be maturing into a more confident young women, but I feel I have regressed in so many ways. I feel almost too old, aged and looking at the world through a more tainted lens. I miss my freedom and eagerness to take on the world, I NEED to find this again. I say I need to get out of here, but I can't leave until I find what it was that made life so vibrant before. If you remember, clue me in. I'm on a mission babies! Support me & love me, or stay the hell out of my way - nothing is holding me back from getting what I want this time. All I want is "ME," once again.