I hate that sometimes I do things in spite of people. It never feels good at the end of the day. I wish I could explain myself, but I can't. Merde! I think I just let this loneliness get the best of me. I found a ticket stub the other day. It is from the day my status changed from "In a Relationship" for 2 years, to "Single." It's been a year and a month or so now that I've been a single lady. So much has changed. I am so proud of who I've become. Stronger, more confident, healthy, smarter, less self loathing and more self loving, more spiritual, but still Miss Lonely - still searching for someone to fill that void, but in all the wrong places. I can give everyone else the best advice and tell them to learn to stand on their own two feet and fill that void with self love, but really - it sucks. No one liiiiikes to be alone. It's always nice to have someone to share your happiness with. I do believe being single makes you a stronger person, but there comes a point where enough is enough. I just miss having that best friend who without a doubt is there for me. I don't miss him. I don't miss that relationship. I've grown up and could never go back to that. I just miss that comfortable feeling you have with that special someone. I miss getting to lay in bed with someone and making each other laugh over stupid inside jokes. I miss having a hand to hold and body to run up behind and wrap my arms around. I miss having someone to finish my sentences and someone who knows how I like my coffee in the morning. Someone who knows exactly how I like my arms "tickled" and kisses on my forehead. Someone who knows when I say I don't want to be touched I probably really just need to be held. Someone who pushes back when I push their buttons. Someone who will have my favorite drink waiting in the cup holder when I get in the car and knows all the right songs to play to make me smile. Someone who loves Ryan Adams as much as I do but knows that Weezy has the other half of my heart. Someone I can text cute messages to during the day and someone to monopolize my thoughts. Someone who thinks I'm cute on my bad hair and sweat pant days. Someone who's not afraid to dance like an idiot with me and will put up with me talking too much when I get nervous. I miss someone who truly appreciates me and my totally weird sense of humor and hyper personality. Someone to challenge me and something to work for. I miss having someone else to think about other than myself. I miss having someone to yell at me when I get a little too crazy on a Friday night, someone to keep me in line. I miss having someone to make dinner for and to cuddle with and watch movies. I need to find someone worth my time, everyone has just been so disappointing lately. "I've got a really big heart, I just can't catch a break" I want to make someone happy again. That's what I miss most. I'm so in love with life right now I just want to share it with someone.
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