I want to feel everything when everything feels wrong with me

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” - Marianne Williamson


I grew up going to Church of Today with my Dad, listening to Marianne speak on Sundays. We weren't the most consistent "church" goers, but we went when we could & it always felt good being apart of the experience there. It wasn't like the Catholic church I went to until I was about 9. It was so welcoming, everyone was friendly, it was a relaxed atmosphere, you could even wear your jeans there and it was a place that everyone wanted to be. I looked forward to going on Sundays, sitting in a huge room packed with people who were so full of love, and ready to receive love... and the choir was BOMB [steven tyler even came & sang with them before!] , and everyone danced - you couldn't help but get out of your seat, they rocked the house! I never realized how lucky I was to be receiving spiritual guidance from such an influential woman, but I now realize that so many of the principles I base my relationships and spiritual journey on are things I learned back when I sat beside my Dad when it was a struggle to understand such "difficult" concepts, but really - they're concepts that are so basic and it's our own "fears & prejudices" that screw things up along the way. There's so much love I struggle to give and receive - simply out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of my own insecurities. But if it is our purpose to spread love on our journey, then why allow fear to defeat me? I know I need to be a better daughter, sister, family member, friend... and I really need to start being better to myself. If I start loving myself more, I know it will become more natural to just spread the love along the way.