I have never felt so incredibely overwhelmed and neck deep sinking in my emotions.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on anything besides pointless tasks like filling out myspace surveys & google searching different random topics that drift in and out of my head. I distract myself with all these pointless tasks to avoid having to feel the aching rise and swell of jealousy, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, guilt, anger, hurt, pain, painanxiousanxiousfuckthis!!!!!
I'm so sick of games.
I'm so sick of liars.
I'm so sick of guys thinking they can take me for granted.
I just want to be loved, respected, trusted, befriended.
I miss having that best friend to hold me everyday, that even though he was the one making me cry, he was the only one who could make everything in the world better.
I want to be okay having independence. I want to be able to stand on my own & know I can make it on my own, but I already see myself falling apart. I am so scared I'm going to let these emotions swallow me whole.
WISHFUL THINKING:
Hold my hand, tell me I'm beautiful (even though I'm not... in your eyes I will be), kiss me on the forehead, lay with me until I fall asleep, make me laugh when I've just had "the worst day ever," dance like no one is watching with me, let me play with your hair when your head is in my lap, let me drive us everywhere because I'm a "control freak" but pick out the songs you know I love on my iPod so we can sing along the whole way, believe in my dreams - more than I do, tuck me in before you go, text me throughout the day just to see how I am doing, tickle my arms in that nice relaxing way I like, give me kisses on the neck, play with my little brother like he was your own, and remember you're my best friend
NYC Sunday - Wednesday with my Brittany. :-)
I need it!
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