I just poured my heart out, there's bits of it on the floor.

I could write this all down in fancy words and impress you but I'd rather just put it out there plain & simple.

I feel rejected.
I feel completely alone and abandoned.

Everything that's been going on lately stirred up the same childhood feelings of being chastised from the group of people you assumed would always be there for you. You know, those people you called "friends." What does that word mean anyways? I'm really starting to believe that I only have 3 people in my life I could even call a friend.

This exact situation seems to keep repeating itself. I'm always chosen last. I am second best. I never measure up and I am left behind. If I sound like I am feeling bad for myself it is becaue I am! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! Why does this keep happening to me? I just want to be able to trust people but how can I when they just end up turning their backs on me and abandoning me? It's not right. I'm not that terrible of a person. I am a good friend, I would do anything for someone I call my friend! I have alot to offer and will not hold back from sharing with you. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me...

"True friendship is not just a "relationship", but self-sacrificing love. A friend is also one who supports, sympathizes, and is a person in whom you can confide."

Only 9 more days till roadtripping to NY to see my Britt... with my Sammie Cheeks, THANK GOD! The four walls of my room are becoming too familiar, my fingernails are becoming stained with oil paints, I can not take this anymore. I need someone to make me worthwhile again.